Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
