the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
