I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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