Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
