Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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