I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize