I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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