He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
