I am spending my child support on dildos
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
