I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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