She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
