That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
