I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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