batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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