There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
