I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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