Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
