Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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