tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Still dying that you shit outside
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
