My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
