just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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