can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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