So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize