a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
