apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
