I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
