im drinking this country out of the recession.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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