why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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