It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
