I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
