In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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