call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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