i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
