I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
...so i touched it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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