I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
