So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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