i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
