I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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