Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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