Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
