Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
