I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize