I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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