Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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