dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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