He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
