Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
