just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
