There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
