this boner is exhausting
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
