I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
