Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
