Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
