allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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