the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize