Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just blew my weed a kiss
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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