remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
