I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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