I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
