oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I should be sponsored by Trojan
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
