you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just want nice things and good sex
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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