i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
