I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
