i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
