Your face is a jimmy john
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize