His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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