He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
