It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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