the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
