oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
