This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize