we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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