i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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