i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
