What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
