i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
